Wild Tales of Criminal Defense Attorneys

People don’t usually sit down and tell a criminal defense attorney their story under great circumstances. In fact, most people who commit crimes tend to act like they have been hurt by province in some freakish way. So, the stories that criminal defense attorneys can hear; range from horrific to hilarious.

Stranger still, can be the cases that are uncovered along the way and the wacky circumstances that get people acquitted.

Luckily, lawyers are sworn to a code of secrecy by the ethics board. But without using identifying comments; they can vaguely tell us about some of their more interesting cases.

The Matrix

What does criminal defense have to do with a weirdo science fiction 90’s movie? Well, this defense should be on the books as the “Matrix defense” since it actually worked and was used more than once.

A young woman was found not guilty by reason of mental defect in a case where she had shot her landlady in the head. The woman told her criminal defense attorney that she believed her landlady was keeping her captive and lying to her to “brainwash and murder her” and outside everyone lived in pods full of red goo.

The matrix defense was allegedly attempted to be used in a later case where another person had murdered their landlady.  

Sleep Murdering

Many of us have had an unfortunate run-in with a sleepwalker. Children are the worst; you just cannot wake them up and they act REALLY odd.

One man turned himself into the police while still in his jammies after sleep murdering his in-laws.

The man drove 14 miles in his sleep and murdered his in laws while he was apparently having a dream about his mother in law blowing it on family feud.

Although somewhat doubtfully; a jury found the man not guilty after he had an EEG performed to determine the neuron activity in his brain caused him to have intensely vivid night terrors that could be responsible for the murders.

Love Hurts; A Lot

Many of us have heard about the horrific Lorena Bobbett tale. It absolutely happened and she actually got away with it.

So the story goes; a young woman cut off her husband’s penis while he was asleep because of all the abuse she had taken from him.

Her criminal defense team argued she was that she had an irresistible impulse to do this. The jury found this defense to be good enough; essentially creating case law saying that if we want to do a bad thing bad enough (whatever that is) we can go ahead and do it. Ouch!

My Evil Twin Did It!

A set of Malaysian twins pulled the ultimate prank when one twin was caught smuggling marijuana and opium. In Malaysia the punishment (for many things) is death by firing squad.

Fortunately for the criminal; he had an identical twin brother who owed him one. Since they both pointed the finger at the other and they could not be told apart at all as to which one was actually at the scene of the crime; they were released of the charges.

Leave a Reply